Today started normal. I did not cry. I try not to. I choose to not remember him that often. But I still do. I miss his crushing weight. It makes me feel lighter now that its gone but I feel weak without it.

Today's the first day we did not talk since That Day. I woke up late, I needed to be at the office before 3 and did not have the chance to talk to him. I don't really know if it's a good thing or not. Talking to him seemed normal, seemed so natural. It makes me miss him less, it makes me imagine that there's still a connection between us.

Today's the day he posted his love for her. It made my heart ache but I did not cry. Once I was the object of his affection, once, he only uttered those words to me. It crushed me. Tormented me. It made me decide not to go to his wall. I don't want to torchure myself anymore that it is. I wanted to have someone to love as well. In time, I guess. In time. If ever I want it to be the One. Final. I don't want to go through another breakup again. I want to have someone whom he'll feel that he deserve me, and I'll feel I deserve him. A perfect match.

Before, I always feel that he was too good enough for me. I felt inferior and lacking. I always asked why he's with me. That way of thinking is just bull. It made me forget myself, made me see all the ugly things about myself, all the bad things I'm capable of. It crushed my self worth. It made me think that my value is determined by him. In the first place, I let him treat me that way. I did not know myself to be confident on what I need to do. It's easier to follow and be dictated. Its much easier to have someone decide for you.

Now, I need to find myself. I need to appeciate me for me. I need to learn the things that I love, I need to see all my traits and work on those that are ugly. I'm looking forward to a new stronger better me.

Mental note:
I would love a man who would:
-let me stare at him no matter how long it took.
-let me hold his hand even if my hands are too cold
-let me hold him tight even if my body's too warm
-hold my hand and keep me close in a crowd even if we're in his town
-hold me tight whenever I feel cold
-sing to me love songs
-laugh at my corny jokes
-let me (from time to time) win in an argument
-let me sing even if I'm off key
-let me glomp him if we haven't seen each other for a while and would be happy to glomp back
-let me sleep when I'm tired
-let me have fun with my girl friends from time to time
-find my clumsiness cute
-appreciate the way I take care of him
-show his appreciation, (thank you+kiss in the cheek would do)
-whisper he loves me upon waking up and before going to sleep
-be able to point out my mistakes and guide me in the right way
-not hurt me physically even if he's mad
-not say things like "stupid", "ugly" etc. as a joke
-not make me choose between my family, friends and him